Is Oral Sex Wrongfor Married Couples?

Oral sex often causes conflict between spouses. This is a personal, highly controversial issue and can ultimately be resolved only between you and your husband. Some further information may help you discuss your beliefs and feelings about oral sex.

The three most common questions about oral-genital stimulation are: Is it morally wrong, is it "dirty" and is it unnatural? The Bible doesn't give specific instructions about lovemaking activities within marriage. Thus we look for other scriptural principles. The principle that the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her reinforces your desire for your husband to accommodate your feelings. On the other hand, the principle that we are to give our bodies to each other for our spouse's enjoyment would encourage you to examine and stretch your own inhibitions (1 Cor. 7:3-5). In the Song of Solomon, the lover continually refers to enjoying the delights of his wife's body--and she is equally enthusiastic about his. The lovers refer to tasting, eating and drinking of each other's body (see Song of Solomon 4:4, 16 and 5:1).

Your discomfort may have to do with concerns about cleanliness rather than what is morally right. The anus is contaminated with disease-producing microorganisms in both men and women. If the genital area is contaminated from the anal area, the genitals are "dirty." But when freshly washed and free of infection, the genital areas of both men and women are clean.

Perhaps your upbringing left you with the sense that oral-genital stimulation simply isn't natural. If you feel violated by it, do not engage in it. Even though your husband may be disappointed, it does not violate him to forego that pleasure. The sexual act between a husband and wife is to be mutually enjoyable for both and never a violation of either. Since oral sex is uncomfortable for you, it will be best if you lead in any pursuit of oral sex.